“SNAFU,” by Matt Kolbet
Announcing the formation of the Society for the Naming of All Future Un-named (SNAFU). Even though psychologists recognize the importance of a name on self-esteem and social expectations, the last...
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“Monogamy,” by Matt Kolbet
Pornography is an easy moral target, but too often the only response critics have is to discuss how it demeans women, corrupts viewers and participants, and marginalizes the family unit. Thankfully,...
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“Your Rhetorical Questions Answered,” by Matt Kolbet
Do bears shit in the woods? Sometimes. Scientists have searched for many years for an ursine latrine but have found it as elusive as an elephant’s graveyard. Their best guess—based on the idea that...
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“A Sign of God,” by Matt Kolbet
The Westboro Baptist Church has gained a certain degree of notoriety for protesting both military and celebrity funerals. Their attempts at linking all deaths to God’s condemnation of America’s laxity...
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“Excerpts from Cliff Notes to Planet Earth,” by Matt Kolbet
In the multiverse, Earth can be a wonderful place to live, and for most people is a definitive place to die. Still, despite these near certainties, there are many misunderstood points about life on...
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“A Letter from a Starfish,” by Matt Kolbet
Listen, I can’t speak for everyone else, but it didn’t make a difference to me. I want to get that out right away, and I repeat—it didn’t make a difference to me. I know you think it did, so that’s...
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“Having a Baby, as Illustrated by Our Library History,” By Matt Kolbet
Part I: Pregnancy The Good Housekeeping illustrated book of pregnancy and baby care. The Madness of King George [videorecording] Toys to Knit Dark Autumn [videorecording] Chariots of Fire...
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“Album Review: Despots’ Mixtape,” by Matt Kolbet
Everybody’s dropping mixtapes now, and it can be hard to figure out which ones are worth your time. This reviewer has unearthed a collection that is both historical and fantastic. No mere concept album...
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“No Title (on purpose),” by Matt Kolbet
As Charles jumped from atop the building, he yelled like a native (which is to say he made a noise as often depicted in the media of Western countries (clearly an artificial division, unfairly favoring...
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“Yelp Reviews of some of Oregon’s Prisons,” by Matt Kolbet
Oregon State Penitentiary, Salem. –This place is showing its age. I know they moved it from Portland in 1866, but seriously…the concrete walls are under 15 ft. high. Both sad and ridiculous. On the...
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“On Picking My Chow Name,” by Matt Kolbet
Dear Mr. Loaf, Can I call you Meat? I’m writing because we share an affinity for renaming ourselves as grub. You were once Marvin and became so much more. Likewise, I want the culinary glory of...
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